if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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