shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
