You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
