I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
