Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
