She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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