so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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