You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I just put wine in my tea
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
