he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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