I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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