And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sober January is a disaster.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
