If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's always time for handjobs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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