do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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