Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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