well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
