i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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