he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
