The beer is more important than you right now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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