I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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