i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
