It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
