the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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