My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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