Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
