trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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