I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
