loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
