this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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