My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
