So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
