my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
