Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
