somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
