Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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