am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize