is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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