Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just puked most of my soul out..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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