I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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