Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
