Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
