made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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