oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
