I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
