Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
