You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
