Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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