the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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