dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
