he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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