theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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