he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
