I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
