I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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