If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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