in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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