Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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