I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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