yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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