I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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