I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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