Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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