I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
