She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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