hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
