My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
