She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
