I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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