literally had 100 drinks last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my being single is dangerous.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
