I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
