I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
